For many people, the idea of setting boundaries immediately brings fear of conflict, rejection, or loss. This fear can be especially strong in Black families and other communities of color where connection, loyalty, and collective responsibility are deeply valued. As a result, boundaries are often misunderstood as harsh, selfish, or equivalent to cutting people off.

Emotional regulation is often misunderstood. Many people believe it means staying calm, controlling emotions, or not reacting at all. When emotions feel intense, they assume they are “bad at regulating.”

In reality, emotional regulation is not about eliminating emotion. It is about how the nervous system notices emotional activation, responds to it, and recovers afterward. For Black women and communities of color — whose emotions have often been scrutinized or minimized — regulation can feel especially complicated.